Self-Regulation, am I doing this well?

In a world where stress and anxiety often feel overwhelming, many people are searching for effective ways to improve their mental health. One area worth assessing is self-regulation. In todays day and age, becoming overly stimulated and overwhelmed is not uncommon. In fact, I'd say it's very common. Rather you work full time, work from home, or you are a stay at home mom. We often feel the chaos of the busy schedules, carry guilt in some area or another, and if those aren't enough we also have social media and technology to throw us for another loop.

Yet, while over stimulation is common and the pressures we feel are present. We know that's not a free pass to respond however we want and continue operating at paces that aren't sustainable.

This brings me to self-regulation. Self-regulation is a way of regulating our thoughts and feelings, allowing us to respond intentionally versus reactively. One way to look at this is, who's in the drivers seat? If we are flooded with emotions, feeding our spiraling thoughts, and our bodies are now in shambles. It's fair to say our amygdala (the emotional part of our brain) may be taking over the drivers seat. The goal would be to self-regulate and allow the prefrontal cortex to step back into the seat.

How am I doing?

There is so much importance in us as parents and caregivers taking the time to regulate our emotions before we can expect our children to do so. One great way for us to determine if we are doing that well would be to ask ourselves some questions and think about it a little deeper. 

1. When I want to feel more positive emotions (such as joy or amusement), I change  what I’m thinking about?

2. When I’m faced with a stressful situation, I make myself think about it in a way that  helps me stay calm?

3.  I control my emotions by changing the way I think about the situation I’m in?

4. I keep my emotions to myself?

5. When I’m upset, do I acknowledge my emotions?

6. I care about what I am feeling?

These questions are simple, but I encourage you to put some thought into them. If you struggle to assess yourselves, talk to your spouse or close community and seek their thoughts. As parent’s, we want what's best for our children. We want to see them happy and thriving. Their emotions, when heavy and overwhelming, can be intimidating to not just them, but us as well. That is one of the many reasons that it’s is important for us to be intentional in recognizing our emotions and responding appropriately. 

How can I stay consistent and intentional?

The reality is we are all broken, we are all sinners living amidst a broken world. We are consistently in a battle between the flesh and the spirit. This is where we rest in gratitude for the Lords kindness, for the grace and mercy he gives when so often fall short. "Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

Yet, consistency and intentionality are an important piece of change and growth. With that in mind, begin by guarding your heart and mind from things that draw you closer to the world and further from the Lord. Fill your mind and thoughts with things that bring the Lords name glory and honor. Rather it's the shows you're watching, the books your reading, the conversations you're having, etc. consistently being aware of what you're consuming is taking steps towards resting in a place of intentionally feeding the spirit. In return, producing fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Conclusion

Remember, perfection is not the goal. Do not be discouraged when you fall short, rather use that as a time of reflection, of self-awareness, and a time to lean into the Lord for strength and connection with him. Show your children, your spouse, your friends, you're human too. Set an example of humility and a willingness to recognize that you don't always get it right, and that's why we are all in need of a savior and healer.